blancmange uptempo: Why women cheat |

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Why women cheat |

August 3, 2012 ? 10:00 am

As we watch the fallout from Kristen Stewart?s affair with director Rupert Sanders, it?s gotten me thinking about why women choose to cheat.

At just 22, Stewart has presumably been with actor beau, Robert Pattinson, for about four years. This is a long time for a relationship, especially for someone so young. In a previous post, I wrote that if you get married before about age 30, you might as well call it a ?starter marriage.?? The same can be said about serious, monogamous relationships.

When we turn 18, we?re called ?adults.?? Just because one is called an adult does not mean they behave as such.? Your late-teens and early-20s should be the time when you figure things out. You learn more about who you are and who you want to be than any other time in your life. Figuring these things out also shapes what you want out of a long-time partner or spouse. Your ideal at 18 will not be your ideal at 30. ?I can guarantee you that.

So, why did Stewart cheat?? Various articles have revealed that she thought her life was too easy.? Others have suggested that this might all be a ploy to get more publicity for the final ?Twilight? movie.? Whatever her reasoning, if she was bored she?s not anymore.? It?s quite obvious that she wanted to be caught.

I?ve interviewed many women who are now single who had affairs in their previous marriages. I asked why they chose to even begin the affairs. The following are the most common reasons:

Revenge ? They caught their husband in an affair at some point during their marriage and after a period of time, became more and more angry about it. If they received attention elsewhere, they embraced it.? They felt justified having an affair, like ?an eye for eye.? Once they began the affair, they enjoyed receiving extra attention and admiration from others. Eventually, many of these women initiated a separation from their husbands and began divorce proceedings. They knew their marriage was broken.
Low self-esteem ? Many women who cheat are married for a long time. They became housewives and mothers. They admit their marriage is dead. They don?t feel loved and/or appreciated. ?They stay married for the kids. ?In life and marriage we all need an adequate amount of affection and admiration from our partners. ?If this attention falters, the person feeling low self-esteem can become more and more insecure and start looking for the attention in other people.
Boredom ? An unsatisfying, dull, and predictable relationship that isn?t growing in depth can make the excitement of a new relationship very attractive.? The affair is not only exciting due to the new person involved, but also to the whole experience of sneaking around and hiding it. ?This can be a huge adrenaline rush and, for some, mildly addictive. Women who have multiple affairs may be experiencing this kind of stimulus.

The most important thing in any relationship is communication. When your relationship starts to lose its luster, talk to your partner about it. Seek attention from them, not from outsiders. If you try to make it work and it doesn?t, at least you tried. Then you can both go your separate ways without the added pain an affair will cause.